i hope you are all having a delicious day today.
i’ve been an easter slacker this year. it totally snuck up on me! who schedules easter in march? i just put together easter egg presents today (i mean come on, it’s the day OF) and just looked up a church service i want to attend. i really enjoy my church, don’t get me wrong, but i wanted to attend a more traditional service today. so, lindsay and i are going downtown to st. david’s episcopal church for holy communion and ancient prayer. sounds kind of mysterious, i’ll be sure to let you know how it goes.
it’s kind of weird. and maybe because i no longer work in a church, or maybe it’s because i haven’t been putting in what i’ve been trying to get out of my local church, but i just feel unprepared for this holiday. last night, before going to bed, i was meditating and singing and praying and having all this head knowledge of what this holiday means, but i find myself lacking in the heart area. i’m just being honest. kind of a difference in what this day should mean and what this day actually means.
my adopted dad, chuck g., has always taught me that the altar of corporate worship is crumbling because the altar of personal worship is crumbling. i know my personal altar is strong right now. isn’t it? or am i just going through the motions? read…check. pray…check. fast…check. i mean, it took me awhile to get excited about the fact that today is the day Jesus rose from the dead. that should be like top on the importance list, right? ‘corporately’ (to use the church word, i guess) my church life is bunk. maybe i’m looking in the wrong place. maybe it’s my own attitude. or maybe i’m misreading something. but i can’t ignore the emptiness i feel sometimes and how i am more and more slipping through the cracks of my congregation.
this has to be one of the hardest transitions i’ve gone through in my life. my buddy jib and i were talking at work yesterday about how being in your late 20’s and being single is one of the hardest times socially, trying to find a church home. i believe him! that mixed in with the realization that my ‘honeymoon’ with austin (texas) is over and this is actually where i LIVE. i need to have community here and i need to invest here.
i need, i need, i need….will you listen to me?
i am, however, being proactive about my weirdness. i emailed two small group leaders about their info, of seemingly older, single folk, AND i will be visiting my life-long friend and mentor angela hastings, very soon. she has much wisdom to give, i’m sure of it.
anyway. i really do hope you all have a hoppy easter! maybe they’ll let me take pictures of the ancient prayer? ha, probably not…maybe i can draw a picture or something.