i got a note on my car last week that read like this:

dear neighbor,

just wanted to let you know that you are parked in a no-parking zone.

sincerely, your neighbor

ok. so not too mean or threatening or anything like that…and after further examination, it was true. the super faded yellow paint on the sidewalk that was perhaps too washed away to really see at night time, when i chose this place for my car, it was makred “no parking.” i give you that. thanks for having my back.

upon more investigating of the situation, however, it was made clear that i, indeed needed to write back.

dear neighbor,

the extremly thick, clear, packing tape you used to affix the parking note to my car has RUINED MY PAINT JOB.

all the best,

your neighbor

and another thing.

dear other neighbor,

you’ve been playing your electric guitar for approx. 1 hour and 47 minutes. with your windows open. not only is the sound of your sweet jams reonating through these awesome walls between us, you’re making things shake, like my glassware and Jesus/mary candles, and i tell you what…if you break those, you’re going to pay.

in fact, you’ve also set off a car alarm. i think it’s that one guy’s car who lives upstairs and is on vacation for the next to weeks. awesome. yep…it’s still going.

only minutes ago,  i heard another neighbor talking to you about your tasty beat, but now you’re playing. again. please stop. don’t you know that it’s prime time saturday NAP TIME? some of us have a very important football game to mentally prepare for.

thank you.

love,

your neighbor